


Big Bad Wolf

by rushifaas



Category: Code Geass
Genre: Abuse, Boys In Love, Developing Relationship, Dissociative Identity Disorder, Drama & Romance, Epic Battles, Fade to Black, Girls Kissing, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Lies, M/M, Multi, Murder, Racism, SOBS LOUDLY, Sex, Soul Bond, This Is STUPID, Trans Male Character, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Violence, War, and lelouch immortal twink, di lf, dilf zaku, dilfzaku, dilfzaku is also horny and fucks lelouch bc its been so long, dilfzaku!, omg nunnally you'll be okay
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-24
Updated: 2021-01-16
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:34:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,720
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27691475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rushifaas/pseuds/rushifaas
Summary: You see I am the wolf, and this dirty little piggy lives inside of me.You see every now and then,I forget which one that I want and which one that I need.I have come to realize that both of them have become a necessity!I now have come to realize that I become which animal I choose to feed!☆☆suzaku and lelouch are now bonded via geass contract, where the stakes are high and everyone brought back must choose a side of the on going war. charles and marianne will do anything to rid the world of lies while v.v. wishes to pull the strings on everyone around him. it's predator versus predator and even the smallest of prey can be deadly.
Relationships: C.C./Kururugi Suzaku, C.C./Shirley Fenette, Euphemia li Britannia/Kouzuki Kallen, Julius Kingsley/Kururugi Suzaku, Julius Kingsley/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Kururugi Suzaku/Lelouch Lamperouge | Lelouch vi Britannia, Marianne vi Britannia/Charles zi Britannia, Milly Ashford/Nina Einstein
Comments: 6
Kudos: 14





	1. Go to war.

**Author's Note:**

> ARC 2 of Parasite Eve is here! Will be slow writing these chapters since the cast is back aaaand most characters have roles you wouldn't expect! expect tons of suzalulu smut and do remember that lelouch is trans, and suzaku still loves him all the same. 
> 
> so off to reading you go!

there were alarms, sounds of explosions and screams of running people echoed painfully in his eardrums. his body ached, joints creaking as he shudders, blinking as a pounding headache threatens to split open his head. gunshots echoed hazardly in the skies as he attempts to regain focus.

 _i have to get up,_ lelouch thinks painfully as he drags his body across the rubbled earth when trembling hands tried to find leverage. where was suzaku? "i can't… focus." lelouch groans when he finally finds a small pile of broken debris and rubble. he managed to get to his feet, wobbly and unbalanced, trying to gather the vision of his surroundings. 

it was a warzone, knightmares zooming and flying about as they clashed against another -- seeing the guren clash against the knightmare that belong to luciano. that's right. they all were in a war again, the nations losing peace that nunnally attempted to carry. inhaling deeply he pulls out his cellphone and dials suzaku's number with a racing heart.

lelouch ducked down when he hears an explosion, looking around as he waits for suzaku to answer.

 **_come on,_ ** _damnit! suzaku!_

**☆☆**

_**one year ago….** _

_"i **advise** you to let go of lelouch." suzaku gravely says when he and the other two enters c's world, having left akito and ashley outside for lookout. charles didn't even react, marianne giggled as v.v. sneers at the three with lelouch looking worse for wear. suzaku bit back a snarl seeing the horrible state of his former emperor. how dare they mark that perfect porcelain skin in ill intent? he didn't even realize his body was trembling out of his rage. _

_"oh, look at you, kururugi. you remember how i destroyed your world?" v.v. grins and suzaku actually does snarl. like the kind of snarling of an angry predator seeing you enter its territory. that kind of snarl. it took c.c. putting her arm out in front of him to hold him back as kallen grasped his arm. they had to be careful, they couldn't be provoked. not right now when lelouch's life was practically in danger._

_"so you came after all. i assume you enjoyed your position as **part** of the rounds, correct kururugi?" charles' voice boomed as he finally turns to glance at them. suzaku tensed and he could see the evil in the man's eyes, the cruelty swimming in them. how could he even think that this man would allow any change in such a corrupted system?_

_he briefly, silently and inwardly, apologies to lelouch for denying it. maybe after this whole shitshow he can properly do it._

_c.c. raises a brow, "care to explain why you want to use this again? lelouch has no code you can use. suzaku claimed it as well in his contract." she steps forward and shields suzaku's body with her own. the witch can't explain why she chose to protect suzaku when he had been such a problem, but she'll dwell on it later._

_so she continued, "are you simply going to cause another war just to attempt the connection?" but she rarely reacts when marianne bursts into a fit of laughter. once upon a time she would have loved to hear it but now it was like nails on a chalkboard. how time changes people and as well feelings._

_people in the end still changed or shown their true faces._

_"even so, the code is on both of them." charles says as he grabbed lelouch by his hair, a grunt of pain escaping the exiled prince's lips. this causes suzaku to take a step forward with hackles raised because no one, **at all** , harms his emperor --_

_kallen tugs him back as she glares at the three, wincing at how unhealthy lelouch looked. gods, what had happened since that damned day?_

_all she knew was something bad would happen if lelouch was harmed…_

☆☆

"suzaku! thank gods. are you alright?" lelouch ran inside of an abandoned building, staring blankly at the dead bodies piled on the ground. once, it would have made him sick but he had become used to it over the years. it was just the smell that causes him to turn away as suzaku speaks.

 **"lelouch! i'm fine. where are you? i lost you after the explosion from bismarck!"** his voice was static but lelouch sank to his knees in relief. gods, suzaku was okay. _he was okay!_ lelouch inhales deeply as his free hand placed over his racing heart. anxiety. panic. lelouch shut his eyes when the earth trembled. 

a shaky exhale, "i-i'm in the ghettos of shibuya. luciano and kallen are fighting right now and --" he inhales when he sees sutherlands and glasgow's speed by, from each side. "--- i think cornelia is also close. where are **you**?!" 

gods, lelouch hopes the live order was enough for suzaku to make it to him. or to survive if he was fighting bismarck again. suzaku was in his thirties and his body wasn't as young as it used to be but he's grateful that he still can be agile. after being with c.c. for so long he can see the strange grace suzaku held as they danced dangerously together on the battlefield. 

together.

side by side.

if lelouch could, he would cry for joy but there was no time for that. he let out an undignified squeak as he fumbled to catch the cellphone that nearly fell to the ground. it just _didn't_ help the immortal that he was a sitting duck. 

**"fuck."** suzaku still had a way with words. **"i'm at mt. fuji right now. can you get to shelter? i need to bring down bismarck or make him retreat."** but suzaku knew that lelouch wanted these threats gone but there were certainly many complications around that. like, how many could either of them list off? 

since the c's world is off it's balance, those that were brought back from suzaku's twisted desire were causing malfunctions. not to mention charles, marianne and v.v. were using that very fact to gather those who supported charles to battle against lelouch. it would have been so simple if everything went back to normal buuuut because of the geass and the code, nothing is ever normal. not to mention foreign countries decided to join the war with their own knightmares that certainly were unpleasant.

lelouch scowls when he lost the connection to suzaku's knightmare, looking up to see the skies turn an angry red. it was like a sea of blood from the heavens, possibly because the fallen were slaughtering the pure. pocketing the cellphone and with quick observation of the danger zone, lelouch makes way for one of the stores that were still in 'decent' condition.

well, if you excluded the dead bodies and whatnot… lelouch would just say it's another day and he really doesn't care. there was a lot on his mind, pulling out his tablet and starting it up. without the aid of schneizel at the moment ( _well, he was aiding but elsewhere…_ ) he had to make due with limited resources. 

"cornelia refuses to change sides while euphemia stayed with me. she'll probably double team kallen once she arrives. the guren isn't looking good either." fingertips pull up guren's specs on the LED screen and winced. it seems that guren was losing energy and _fast_. it made sense considering they have been fighting since literally the night before because that asshole bismarck thought it quaint to attack them when slightly vulnerable. 

all while screaming that he was the glorious knight of one, blah blah blah… lelouch could care less about that. all he cared about was the fact charles decided to be a bastard and target them while stealing the empire from nunnally's grasp.

… and effectively hospitalizing her. 

with a hot fresh fury surging inside of lelouch, he presses a button.

"Q1. can you hear me?"

"yes, loud and clear!"

☆☆

"shoot! shoot shoot shoot!" euphemia ran down the halls of ashford academy, carrying some folders with important files. she wore a uniform much like zero's, except with a skirt instead of pants. ever since her brother came back she was assigned to secret intelligence, managing to sneak data to their cause. it was pressuring!

suzaku made things right and now they were trying to stop charles from creating more chaos. she could tell that lelouch was concerned about the end result. would everyone return to their state of death when the trio was stopped? sure, it would be painful to do but she needed to be strong.

"this way." a voice calls out to here, she glances up to see rolo stepping out of a classroom. euphemia perked up with a smile as she went straight for him.

life has been strange since the wish had been reversed, joining forces against those who remained spoiled under britannia's rule. it hurt to go against cornelia but her older sister refused to see reason. it was thanks to lelouch and suzaku that the ashford academy was their base of operations since they were more cautious than usual.

( _being dead does that,_ lelouch had told her once when she was so happy to see him alive. euphemia strangely understood what he meant. )

"schneizel is waiting on call for you, euphemia. please, don't dwaddle." rolo lets her inside, peeking out so no one else can sneak in. he can hear the transmission start as he stood in front of the doorway, eyes steeled as he watched students rush to their next class. thanks to zero - **_no, suzaku …_ ** \- the students were at ease that their protector would be around. 

except…

"euphemia, there's no trouble on your end?" schneizel questions as his sister places the folders on the desk she sat at. her brother was in one of his ships, supporting lelouch on the battlefield. euphemia could see kanon shouting orders towards the staff onboard as nina rushed passed with lloyd and cecile. she inhales deeply as she calms her racing and nervous heart.

"not at all so far. i managed to get files that you requested from fathers databases. about the geass order." 

euphemia knew nothing about the geass order but _geass_ was familiar to her. charles has it, lelouch has it and then suzaku has gotten it. to her knowledge, rolo did as well. 

_( "i don't recall much, but i gave many a geass." c.c. says offhandedly when she leans back on her chair, yawning. )_

her brother nods as he seemed to be contemplating something as explosions can be heard. seeing her shocked face he simply waved a dismissive hand, "we are cleaning up the remaining forces. guilford lost heavy support and has to retreat to cornelia." schneizel explains and euphemia heavily swallows. she knows their older sister won't take lightly for one side of a loss. cornelia was just so stubborn about it 

"a-alright. so, about the files?" 

"oh, yes. i'll need you to, in 48 hours, wait for me at the airport base in kyoto. ask for a private ride with one of lelouch's men. he knows of this." 

euphemia glanced at the clock, fingers fidgeting with the fabric of her uniform. she can and will do this! so she glances at her brother with a determined nod.

"yes, understood!"

"godspeed, euphi."

☆☆

" **cornelia**. i see you still want to be a slave to our bastard of a father." lelouch greets as he sees her visage upon his screen, tone bored and light. he knew this game too well and she had the nerve to drag an unwilling clovis to charles. this fact pissed off lelouch since he could have had clovis do what he can to ease the japanese and reformed britannians. 

hell, he was opting to have clovis work with villetta and ohgi. three would be able to put their heads together while clovis could set up campaigns…

" _lelouch_ ! of all people to approach me. you think you can get away with this? killing euphemia and then taking her away? i only agreed _once_ to help you because of nunnally." cornelia's voice boomed angrily as she makes her knightmare flee from battle when gaining the news of guilford's retreat. not to mention that the guren already chased off luciano by exploding half of his knightmare. 

lelouch and cornelia knew charles will not be pleased. 

"i see that, cornelia. yet you stay with the side that wants to destroy human freedom once again. even my mother _isn't_ the idol you admire." 

"i stay because they are **family** ! and we stick with family, lelouch! you are so against what we had and made hell out of it. i swear to you that i will be the one to kill you for ruining _everything_!" 

lelouch sighs as she shut off the call, rubbing his temple when he finally let out a baited breath. of course, of course! cornelia was willing to turn a blind eye to what they do. he expected no less. however, he was obligated to at least attempt euphemia's request of reaching out to her. his poor younger half sister would be devastated to hear of the results.

"hey, lelouch! you okay down there?" 

amethyst eyes glance upwards to see the guren zoom right in, kallens voice seemingly exhausted. lelouch doesn't blame her since she possibly ran on pure adrenaline for the past hours. he'll have her take a good rest when they return to ashford.

☆☆

suzaku's geass burned when time suddenly halts, moving in speed even he couldn't understand. it didn't matter when time started again because bismarck and his knightmare plummeted. the impact left a decent sized crater on the war torn streets.

never has he felt such excruciating pain besides the _live_ order given to him by lelouch.

☆☆

lelouch let out a yelp of pain when his double geass burns, doubling over in which kallen and c.c. helped him regain balance. 

"hey, you alright?!" kallen glared at him with worry while c.c. stares at him with a knowing look. lelouch kept his eyes squeezed shut as the pounding headache erupted in his nerves. it was hard to breathe and the scar from where suzaku stabbed him began to have stabbing pains.

when lelouch doesn't answer, c.c. gently places a hand on kallens arm as if to soothe her temper. they didn't need any of that right now. to fight among themselves would be such a fools errand. 

"the suzaku boy. he's awakened his power of geass, didn't he."

kallen noticed it was a statement and not a question, her mouth going dry. she never knew suzaku even had a geass just that he made a contract with lelouch. whatever it was. 

lelouch took in slow, deep breaths as he let kallen and c.c. help him sit on a chair. they were safe here in the academy since the requiem even though he knew they celebrated his death. he's glad that the news of nunnally hasn't gotten out yet. 

"suzaku did. his geass activated and i felt it." c.c. simply hums in response as she notices the double geass, shooing kallen away. kallen seemed to want to protest but seeing his eyes made her think otherwise. she went to go check on ohgi and villetta meanwhile. 

the witch sits across from him with a steady gaze; lelouch realizing how dark it's gotten. it makes his stomach twist and turn as he digs out the cellphone from his pocket. all he could think of was suzaku's well being. lelouch can briefly hear julius hum in the back of their shared space of his mind, making him shudder slightly.

time to make a phone call.


	2. Quick fix to get clean.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this took so long. revisited the series of bleach and thinking abt how lelouch would be a former soul reaper but now can hollowfy etc etc. and suzaku would be an espada/arrancar who loves him. idk lol.
> 
> also, sorry about this chapter. some things decided to bite lelouch back in the ass.

if there was something lelouch didn't expect, it certainly wasn't the live screening on each t.v. that everyone had. there was charles with his stern expression on his face and lelouch was sure that everyone must be either cheering or dreading seeing that  _ bastard's _ face. it wasn't the only horrible thing that surprised lelouch.

it was when charles presented a tape of  _ him _ in euro-britannia, threatening to blow up nuclear plants and…  **fuck** . lelouch grit his teeth together as he watches this tape laugh and claim the glory of britannia. it was him wearing a britannian uniform and laughing in glee about the deaths of innocence if --

"that's me," julius appears next to him with a look of awe directed to the screens, "waving around some stupid pointy thing while kururugi 'looked' after me." he doesn't have to glance over to see lelouch trembling in anger. could he blame him? lelouch was watching  _ him _ creating chaos in paris, france. it did give julius great satisfaction because it made everything worse. 

lelouch simply hissed in his displeasure as he grabbed the remote, turning off the t.v. julius only grins as lelouch stiffens when the door opens, kallen and euphemia rushing in. since julius couldn't be seen he chose to watch with a leg crossed over the other. what  _ entertainment _ could possibly happen? 

" **lelouch** . charles is using… whatever  _ that _ is to have people leave our side."

"he's saying that you betrayed the people of japan with that video! what will we do? and, oh, suzaku's here."

amethyst eyes slowly blink at the sudden slam of outburst, sighing as he leans back against the nearby wall. "okay… wait till suzaku comes." he breathes in slowly while placing a hand on his chest. both women nod and slightly ease their posture while still on edge.

☆☆

suzaku came about half an hour later, wearing the zero uniform and freshened up. he also seemed irritated, only lighting up when he sees lelouch in the room.

☆☆

"suzaku, what is the whole meaning of this? schneizel just informed me that he's trying to do collateral damage." lelouch points at the recording of  _ julius _ posing as him, threatening to blow up local nuclear plants. kallen and euphemia were sitting on the couch with nervous expressions for the same reason: they didn't know julius was the reason behind that. the issue is that lelouch can't say  _ he _ didn't do it because no one would understand his disorder.

the japanese man stiffens as he sees the screen with his face paling. the memories of  _ that _ time rushed into his brain, guilt washing in his gut when he remembers that  **_he_ ** was the reason lelouch acted like this. but suzaku knew it was actually julius in control. still left a painful taste in his mouth.

lelouch didn't like this reaction as fear chilled him to the bone, " ---  _ suzaku _ . what. is. the meaning. of this." his words were painfully strained because all of a sudden he knew. he knew that suzaku had something to do with this. "hold on, before we continue this. kallen. euphi. please check on nunnally." his voice was stern with no room of objection. kallen and euphemia stood up with a stiff nod, leaving and closing the door behind them.

☆☆

the tension could be described as explosive but before it could explode. like an unused grenade with its top ready to pop off any second. 

it would be foolish to tread foolishly.

☆☆

"suzaku."

"lelouch. i…" 

a pregnant pause as suzaku trails off, lelouch staring at his fellow immortal with narrowed eyes. so he was correct on suzaku knowing something. just how to get suzaku to speak about it? lelouch was a patient man due to his enduring youth since marianne died. he had to realize that suzaku was his foil so with gentle steps the immortal approaches the elder man with him taking a hand. 

suzaku flinched at the contact but then slowly eased into it, fingers curling around his. 

"you?" 

"..." suzaku inhales through his nose as he tugs lelouch with him to the couch, staring up at him with pleading green eyes. it was weird to see them with life compared to the dull ones during those years ago. lelouch chose to sit next to him and rubbed his thumb against suzaku.

"... when i turned you in, to your father… "

☆☆

nunnally coughs as her lungs struggled to take in oxygen when the doctor was making sure her breathing was satisfactory. she didn't enjoy these tests but since marianne had crushed her underneath her useless wheelchair… there was no choice.

"your breathing is short, we'll have to make sure you take breathing tests to regulate it." 

"thank you, dr. fujita." nunnally smiles at the man with long, wavy black hair and blood red eyes. she found him a bit odd due to his ghostly pale skin yet he had an overwhelming presence in social matters. 

he only nodded after scribbling on the clipboard, "i'll have the nurse give you some medicine called  **albuterol** . it'll be only used as an emergency tablet when you can't breathe." with that he bows his head to the empress before leaving. when he does, kallen and euphemia rush in with worried expressions.

nunnally brightens up, "euphi! kallen!" she gushes since her day was now a bit better. the empress giggles as euphemia hugs her tight and placed a bag with finger foods inside. when nunnally peeked into the contents, she let out a squeal of delight. 

"oh  _ goodness _ ! you got me some japanese candies! pocky and konpeito! thank you, euphi!"

kallen snorts, "for a girlfriend, euphi is really into the japanese culture." though her cheeks burned red when she realized what she said. even euphemia giggles with a shy expression and nunnally gapes in surprise. 

"you're  _ dating _ ? congratulations!" she squeals while clapping her hands in glee. the two older women blushed even deeper as they got the blessing from the empress. nunnally sighs as she wiggles her fingers before reaching into the bag to grab some of the konpeito. 

euphemia giggles as she takes kallen's nearby hand and leans into her. the ace warrior rubbed her back before placing a chaste kiss on the temple. 

"so as much as i'm happy you two are here, how is everything out there? is lelouch okay?" she places several konpeito's into her mouth. goodness, these were still so sweet! just like the good old days. 

kallen sighs, "he's fine as he can get. we're pushing back against  **hardcore** britannians. kururugi managed to get bismarck to retreat too." she explains as euphemia begins to run her fingers through her wild hair. damn, that felt good… kallen could get used to this. she watches as nunnally pursed her lips into a thin line. kallen knew what she was thinking like everyone else when charles came back.

peace was never an option.

not to mention lelouch was fighting against charles and his united forces, struggling to keep bloodshed to a certain degree. nunnally knew that it was impossible due to the nature of the power of geass. plus, people knew the demon emperor would've returned and thus took any opportunity to try to kill him.

"oh… oh dear.. i must -- no, i need to do something.  _ anything _ . i'm the empress and i have to do my job.  **please** , grab my wheelchair."

"not under my watch, empress. your condition is in bad shape. you need a few days for your legs to properly heal." her nurse walks in with her medicine and gave nunnally a gentle smile. seeing the frown on the young woman's face the nurse sighs.

"we understand it's your job. but if they see how weak you are, many will seek you out." 

kallen and euphemia shared a glance, worry visible on their faces.

☆☆

"what?  _ what _ ?!" lelouch lost all composure when suzaku told him about the events of france and, well? it went as well as anyone would expect if one knew lelouch. there was a look of disgust and anger, in which suzaku understood. suzaku hated himself for doing what he did out of spite. so when lelouch was absorbing, processing and letting it sink in it would be disastrous results. a guilt suzaku had to live with after rolo had taken them back.

lelouch flexed his fingers as he took deep breaths as the images from the recorded broadcast played in his mind. when  _ julius _ was in control, he acted so much like charles that it made him sick. he feel to his knees and clutched at his chest, shaking as pupils dilate. he couldn't be bothered when julius presses his mouth against his temple as suzaku kneeled in front of him.

"lelouch-"

"you  **let him** do that to  _ me _ , suzaku…! you let him… take everything from me a second time." 

"i know, i know. i did it because it was personal and i let my hatred of zero and myself make stupid and horrible decisions." 

lelouch shoots him an expression filled with anger, sorrow and betrayal. it was something he couldn't understand. suzaku willingly became a tool to 'protect' his people yet also willingly destroyed countless lives in the process. he did the same yet had the motive to bring down his father and britannia. he remembers the tears he had shed before his parents vanished from existence, how his grief and sorrow had been for  _ nothing _ . 

shakily, the ex emperor gets to his feet and drags suzaku with him. the ex knight had a surprised look on his face and even made a surprised sound when lelouch punched him square in the face. 

well, granted it was as strong as lelouch could grant it. it had been the act that left suzaku speechless. 

" _ you _ . i have so many words to say but i feel like you and i would walk around in circles." lelouch's voice was shaky while he lets go of suzaku's wrist, rubbing at his knuckles. damn. that'll bruise tomorrow. lelouch was close to losing it, shuffling away from suzaku with an indescribable expression. his thoughts were drowning out julius, drowning out any reason and he had been close to having a meltdown. 

suzaku is still speechless as he knows he never can find the right words to say. he could say that lelouch betrayed him first with all the lies yet he knew that wasn't fair. he also lied to himself, lelouch, nunnally -- hell, everyone. even euphi. his hands tremble with anxiety as he just grabs desperately onto lelouch's arm. he presses his forehead into the crook of the immortal's neck as he trembles. 

" _ then _ \-- then  **why** didn't you kill me when you had the chance, lelouch? even after you knew i'd be such a problem?" his voice trembles as he clung tighter to the ex prince, the fear of losing him all too obvious. he can't just let lelouch go after all this time and the baggage was heavy on his damned soul.

so when lelouch attempts to look at him from the awkward angle, suzaku hid his eyes into the muss of black hair. he doesn't want to see what expression that could be on lelouch's face. shame, guilt and despair strikes his heart just like when he killed lelouch.

lelouch wasn't having that as he manages to squirm from his hold -  _ halfway _ \- with a miserable snort. then a miserable laugh as he sounded like he was crying. it broke suzaku's heart.

" _because_ \-- because i knew the world would be _so lonely without you_ **in** it, suzaku."

☆☆

c.c. sighs quietly as she had eavesdropped on the two, contemplating if she wanted to ruin that moment. after much debate in her head she chose not to, turning and leaving with a wistful expression.

"two idiot boys."


	3. reasons why we won't survive .1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just a chapter with some gay thoughts.

lelouch wasn't doing well at all. 

pacing back and forth in his office with his brow furrowed, lelouch wasn't sure what his next move would be. it was the same as when nunnally and suzaku were captured by an enemy geass user but this was a lot more dangerous. the bastard of a father and mother were back along with v.v. and now they were gathering forces. when suzaku explained what happened to him during the time period of being brainwashed, lelouch didn't take it very well. 

he still wasn't. 

"how much time do we have? it won't be long until he figures out nunnally's hospitalized." he pauses to stare at the t.v. screen where milly was making a report about the explosions set off in california. lelouch gulps with a deep inhale as he can feel himself spiraling into uneasiness, legs finding the couch where he promptly collapses onto it. he's exhausted since finding shelter was such a rush while everything he built had been destroyed. what he built for nunnally to use was being broken down by the greed of charles.

c.c. sits next to him with a sigh, letting him rest his head on her lap. it had been a few days since lelouch had his breakdown, and she had to contact their allied forces instead. the immortal witch even took the liberty to write down important stuff because her favorite boy was going through a crisis. 

"lelouch. do you need to take a break?" c.c. yawns as she leaned back against the couch. when lelouch doesn't respond she simply sighs as her arms stretched over her head. "did you and  **dog boy** speak about issues?" it was obvious c.c. spoke about suzaku, feeling lelouch tense against her. the witch knew that the two had some tension between them, but it'd proven troublesome if they couldn't get it together. her fingers comb through his dark locks as lelouch exhales gently. 

"... what is it you need, c.c.? anything new?" lelouch finally speaks as the massaging motions soothed his aching head. the pounding headaches from his panic attacks had been rendering him immobile, lelouch refusing to seek out help. his heart was pounding as his breathing regulates normally as his thoughts went to suzaku.

_ suzaku _ .  **_suzaku kururugi_ ** . his bane, his boon. his other half and his weakness. his sun to his moon. 

lelouch doesn't know why he keeps him alive, keeps him close. wants to be so closer to melt into the japanese man's body and feel his heart beat against his ear. to hold his strong, calloused hands.

he can't believe he's craving affection. affection from his better half sounded so appealing that it felt like his soul literally whined.

" _ lelouch _ ." 

"hnn?" 

no, he wasn't paying attention. he doesn't even look at c.c. when she baps him on the forehead. did he miss what she said? 

" _ mmmh _ . i was saying you and suzaku are going to see schneizel and kanon at the diet building. your sister euphemia returned with him some days ago." c.c. wrinkled her nose like an irritated bunny rabbit.

lelouch can feel a headache form just at those words.

☆☆

"are you doing better, suzaku? you seem a bit uneasy." euphemia frowns when she sees the lancelot pilot leave his room, noting the tired expression. suzaku was still wearing his usual zero uniform with mask in hand and he looked at her with deer in the headlights look. well, that can't be good. plus, shouldn't he be with her brother by now?

"euphi… you surprised me."

"why aren't you with lelouch? did you two have a fight again?" 

"i  _ guess _ you can say that. i'm about to go see him." suzaku sighs as he glances at the zero mask, still as heavy as ever. maybe he could convince lelouch to take back zero's mantle but he knew it'd be hard to do that. lelouch was already having a hard time accepting their contracted bond and the things he had done. it's a miracle that suzaku was even loved by the man who pains his heart.

euphemia perks up, "oh, he's going to meet his brother at the diet building. you're supposed to go there too!" she brightly and too cheerfully exclaims. she is too blissfully unaware that suzaku's face is drained of color, rushing off to go do her next errand. 

with a deep sigh he places the mask on his face and heads where lelouch should be. his heart is racing when he realizes that lelouch didn't even call for him yet and gods, his fingers twitched underneath his cape. perhaps it's because he just got lelouch back that his footsteps were a bit faster than usual. did euphemia plan this or was she scatterbrained as usual? 

☆☆

_ "i cried a lot for you after a few months that turned to years." _

_ suzaku's voice is soft as he stares at his scarred hands when he and lelouch were in a room. both sat on the bed, lelouch leaning against the wall as suzaku on the edge. it had been a month since lelouch regained consciousness from the rescue from c's world. lelouch looked so exhausted and small underneath blankets that suzaku wanted to pull him close.  _

_ when did these feelings change? he had hated lelouch so much but losing the physical presence of his friend made him empty. there wasn't anyone he could talk to while nunnally still had doubts about him. c.c. would be anywhere with lelouch, honestly.  _

_ "did you know i'd walk 500 miles and more just to seek you out? even if i… even if i shown otherwise, lelouch, i'd search the entire world for you." his voice was starting to crack, eyes burning since he felt on the verge of tears. those feelings of love eventually burned over his resentment and gods did it show. _

_ "i'd rather you not. i have my ways to watch out for you and my sister." lelouch hoarsely replies, throat sore from using his voice. amethyst eyes blink in surprise when suzaku is moving over him, pressing lips into his. he can see those bright green eyes stare into his and with his luck, his cheeks were dashed with red.  _

_ "--- suzaku." lelouch manages to murmur into his mouth, painfully aware that suzaku's body heat was overpowering. the scent of bamboo and sunflowers were making him dizzy, suzaku using his teeth to take off a glove and cup his cheek. lelouch can feel suzaku's thumb rub against his cheek as teardrops land on his cheeks.  _

_ they were such a mess, weren't they? forever intertwined despite the red string cut and taped together endlessly. they can't escape or seperate from another, so much that the emptiness would remain in their chests. _

_ "stupid man," lelouch says in a quiet, affectionate voice, "you're always like this." not an insult, suzaku knows this and suzaku can't help but smile weakly. _

_ "yeah…" _

_ "and i love you, either way." _

☆☆

"glad you can make it. it would've been somewhat messier." kanon dusts off his shoulder as he shot down a britannian spy, lelouch and suzaku approaching him. he didn't care that they both glanced at him as he tucks away his weapon before stepping over the bleeding body. 

lelouch sighs as he gives a brief glance to the body before following kanon, suzaku trailing behind him. dead bodies were common in war so he'll just ignore it. of course suzaku was somewhat different but kept close to lelouch, keeping the zero persona up. "can you at least clean that up? decaying blood doesn't smell so nice…" he sighs as they navigate through the halls, seeing familiar faces scurrying about.

"eek! who left a body here!?" nina's voice screeched out of irritation, making lelouch snort quietly. the young woman grew so much since her quiet and timid self that he still found her amazing. as kanon led them inside of the meeting room, schneizel was sitting at the large table and discussing something with tohdoh and several others.

once they all sat - with zero standing behind lelouch - there was an awkward silence, all eyes focused on lelouch himself. it was obvious that many were curious and suspicious of him, especially since they believed he was alive just like the others. it made it easier for lelouch to not explain the whole ressurecting issue. most of them knew but not everybody.

"hello, hello. you don't need to stare at me so intently. i assume we have some issues to discuss?" lelouch cooly says as he leans back against his chair, fingers laced together. his double geass burned in his eyes since he long stopped caring to hide them. many were smart to close their eyes if he issued a command in which lelouch was pleased by their adapting.

schneizel places his tea cup down on its ciaster, "charles seems to make his base in california and oregon. they're overtaking bases there and producing knightmares." he picks up a small remote, the screen behind him turning on to show a recording of said knightmares. 

lelouch stares, seeing charles and the remaining rounds telling orders of their britannian opressors. of course… 

"and he decided to use that video where he brainwashed you as leverage. people hated you before so they can have a reason to hate you even more." he added on, tohdoh nodding and zero placing a hand on lelouch's shoulder. lelouch hums in thought as he taps his right foot against the marbled floor. he contemplates the situation, patting zero on his hand. he gently requests for his chess board, in which zero somehow manages to place before him.

no one questions it.

"charles is the king, marianne the queen. v.v. is the bishop while the rest are pawns, knights -- you get the idea." lelouch began to set down the white and black pieces on the board with a focused expression. having gained at least some information about their enemies whereabouts gave him some plans to go about with.

"zero is the king, kallen is the queen still. i'm considered a pawn. the issue is, the enemy king is going to push all the pawns, knights -- you name it, towards us. there's no plan or reasoning. i'm am issue and anyone else against them." 

tohdoh stares at the board, brows furrowed. "the empress -- it wont be long until they find out." he warns, lelouch briefly looking at him. tohdoh's concern was super justified. if anything happened with nunnally it'd mean that charles can easily overthrow her. lelouch picks up the black king piece and had a small smirk. 

"zero."

"... yes?"

"how well do you handle explosives while piloting?"


	4. reasons why we won't survive .2

the sound of gunshots were the only music anyone could hear when they left shelter. once in awhile you could see knightmares dancing elegantly with the music, performing choreography as they do. the dead bodies and destroyed buildings were just part of the stage props with the world it's audience. 

lelouch lifted up his magnum gun after shooting down down threats, blazing red eyes glowing incredibly bright underneath the blazing sun. the bodies falling to the ground as if wardums were being played in the melody. he thinks it's a terrible irony since this followed somewhat after the zero requiem and it all seemed ridiculous. 

_ 'lelouch! i planted the bombs underground!' _

"perfect, euphi. nina, when she's in the clear set off the bombs." and of course, a few minutes later he could hear the explosions followed by the sight of a blazing sea of fire. lelouch smirks since the devastation reminds him of his premature days of the established black knights. lelouch then ducks down behind a wall as he could only hear the inviting silence. pulling out a small pager with the colors of purples and golds he presses the single red button in it's middle.

upon seeing the blinking red in his cockpit, zero instantly got into action. the purple clad lancelot had a new weapon equipped thanks to the combined efforts of lloyd and rakshata. zero heads towards the battlefield pinpointed on his radar with the after meeting still fresh in his mind. 

☆☆☆

_ "lelouch…" _

_ "suzaku, are you fine taking more lives for the sake of peace?" lelouch suddenly asks as he looks up from the blueprint before him. there was a tired expression on his face as he stares at suzaku expectantly. there had to be a reason for him to seek his presence.  _

_ suzaku didn't wear the mask since he took it off after closing the door behind him. he also seemed to look just as tired as lelouch that it was a miracle he didn't age poorly. so he just slumps onto the chair next to lelouch, leaning into him afterwards. lelouch can feel his weight sag against him in which he let out an undignified squeak since he felt like he can be crushed.  _

_ "i  _ **_hate_ ** _ killing." suzaku confesses as he gently takes lelouch's right hand and gently squeezes it. before lelouch can say something witty he continued, "but i want to protect you. i still want to. i was your knight before your death and i guess that never left me." which was another way of saying he is fine as long as lelouch was protected. he always felt empty when doing it for nunnally's sake but now…. now he felt like purpose came back to him. _

_ all because lelouch was next to him, real and breathing. his soul felt like it was bound to lelouch's, the monster that fell in love with the demon. so when lelouch turns his body to gently place his free hand on suzaku's cheek, suzaku couldn't help but lean into it and nuzzling his palm. perhaps he was nothing but a dog but he didn't care. he feels more alive with lelouch next to him. _

_ "i'm sorry my dear… i'm sincerely happy you want to protect me." a warm kiss was pressed against chapped lips, suzaku tasting a fresh mint taste and some lavender. _

_ suzaku knew that lelouch wasn't lying. _

☆☆☆

zero unsheathed the sword in which glimmered golds and white, staring at it in wonder. lloyd and rakshata had briefly explained (  _ sort of _ ) that the blade can do damage equal of a grenade explosion once in contact with an object. of course they didn't seem too bothered by the severity of its destruction considering they built knightmares their whole life. even cecile commented it had at least three uses before it had to recharge so he must use it carefully.

lelouch calls it  **_absolute zero_ ** since it's impact will reduce anything to nothing. zero did grimace at the idea of killing millions but he thought of lelouch's face in his mind. at times he wants to punch it because it's so perfect and at the same time he wants to kiss him until his lips are  _ bruised _ . when he was the knight of zero he never believed lelouch deserved tenderness for being such a demon and now -

_ 'zero! knightmares coming for a pincer attack!' _ the guren was further ahead, it's trademark explosive claw killing a line of five enemies at once. this causes zero to glance up with a scowl, directing lancelot left while reading the battlefield. his mind is busy but certainly not distracted.

☆☆☆

_ " --i'm sorry." zero withdrew his hand when he sees lelouch visibly flinch away from him. this pains him yet he understands why. you see he noticed the little things with lelouch before the blessed ( cursed ) requiem and he knew deep down lelouch feared his impulsive outbursts. he knew lelouch feared the physical wrath he would inflict and his cheeks burn with shame. _

_ he's glad that the mask was still on. _

_ lelouch eyes him warily before straining a smile, "water under the bridge." he gently responds and then goes to pull off his shirt. zero stood there like a statue as he watches, silently gulping when he sees lelouch's upper body for the first time in… forever. pale and smooth, the scar where he was stabbed at… and some bruises -- new and old. zero stares rather helplessly because… because… _

_ "don't stare so openly. it makes me feel weird." lelouch hotly snaps at him, turning his back so zero couldn't see. lelouch was mistaken because zero - no,  _ **_suzaku_ ** _ \- could see even more. the elegant bones of shoulder blades and the curved spine that held him together.  _

_ zero then took off his mask, brown curls bouncing as he closed the distance between them. lelouch let out a startled sound as he buried his face into the crook of his neck. _

_ "i'm sorry…" _

☆☆☆

"how does it feel, doing this again? being needed." milly says quietly as she finds lelouch in one of the outposts, carrying supplies for her reporting job. she was still somewhat uneasy about his return but he wasn't trying to do world domination. hell, lelouch just appeared tired and irritated about the whole situation. milly doesn't blame him. she thought lelouch was just as greedy as his family but he was just another human being that wanted to stop the unfairness by using himself as an example. 

lelouch simply shrugs as he watches the battle on the map, pleased that it was going well. milly frowns as she sits next to him as she gestured to her camera crew to set up for a broadcast. 

"lelouch… what do you  **consider** yourself to be? what is the real you?" she is rather hesitant to ask yet her inquisitive nature always got the best of her. she's not sure what she's hoping for, actually. 

lelouch doesn't skip a beat as he replies, "i am the  _ violence _ that destroys the system."

milly chose not to say anything after that.

☆☆☆

"hello, i am milly ashford your beloved news reporter of the entire world! here i am at the battle sight where our protector zero and kallen of the black knights take down former britannians. it seems to be a rough standing on both sides." 

lelouch chose to stay some distance away as the blonde began her broadcasting, his eyes focused on zero's signal. he licks his lips as he inhales deeply while counting remaining forces. just where in hell was charles getting these scumbags? 

(  _ "are you sure freedom can be achieved this way, lelouch. it's just a delusional construct." it wasn't a question but a statement from the witch that laid on the bed with pizza hut boxes everywhere. bored as usual so she chose to have one of those philosophical talks.  _

_ lelouch snorts which makes c.c. raise a brow. _

_ "how is that funny?" _

_ "we are all lambs to the slaughter, our blood in the water. the price of everyone's greed is their sons and their daughters." and when c.c. saw lelouch's eyes, she can tell everything isn't fine. _ )

when lelouch heard explosions a snakelike grin formed when he knew zero used the explosive sword. he knew so called hero of justice will be in a rage after taking off the mask but right now he can't care, and he doesn't. 

☆☆☆

zero's thankful for his mask or someone would've seen how appalled he was. the blade surely was explosive  _ right after _ swiping through metal and he broke out in cold sweat. once the battle was over when guren got rid of remaining adversaries, he pulls his own knightmare back to head back. 

"you look like hell." lelouch comments when suzaku barges into lelouch's room, breathing heavily. suzaku doesn't answer as he closes the door and locks it, shedding off the damned cape. lelouch's eyes widen when he does and there's a rather alarmed look. "suzaku--" cut off when suzaku grabs his wrists and forces him onto his back, nuzzling into his collarbone. lelouch even shuddered when a warm, wet tongue licked the pattern of the code.

lelouch inhales deeply when suzaku yanked off a glove, a large hand now between his legs and  _ oh _ ,  **_oh gods_ ** feeling his heat. suzaku watches lelouch's face with a hungry, yearning look as his calloused fingers rub around lelouch's clit. even though prideful lelouch can't help but mewl under the touch he longed for, gasping as suzaku applies pressure into those bundles of nerves. lelouch's mind is hazy as suzaku worked slow circles on his aching need, unable to help himself as he spread his long and elegant legs. 

"are you that hungry, lelouch? this reminds me why i want to be by your side." suzaku only murmurs as he kisses those flushed cheeks, finding it endearing as lelouch weakly scowls at him. but lelouch understands now since its obvious suzaku didn't like what happened earlier. there wasn't a purpose or anyone to come home to but here he was, giving his old friend both of those. 

lelouch shudders as he slowly rolls his hips upward, feeling how wet he was getting. his cunt ached for suzaku to fill him up as they were such a good match, like a glove and meant to be. then suzaku had to say something so romantically cheesy that his heart felt like it'd burst.

"you're such a beautiful man, lulu. and you're all mine…" suzaku had whispered in an endearing voice , pressing his erection between lelouch's folds. lelouch doesn't remember seeing him take off his pants but he doesn't care because there was a delicious pulsing warmth against him and gods. he covers his eyes with his hands because he feels so exposed under suzaku's loving stare, squeaking as his hands were moved away. 

suzaku placed a kiss so tender on his throat, pushing himself inside and --

… ?!

suzaku wakes from his sleep, breathing in quick breaths as he stared blankly at the walls. his body was covered in sweat and he felt something between his legs -  _ fuck _ . with shaking hands he grabs a blanket to wipe himself off as he sits up. there wasn't a lelouch next to him and his mouth goes dry. dreaming of his world while recovering from his wounds from the previous battle. tossing the soiled blanket onto the floor he struggles to get on his feet with an aching chest. 

since zero wasn't needed this day, suzaku chose to dress normally and seek out some solace or understanding in which he chose to visit the empress at the hospital. he's grateful that she wasn't targeted just yet but it still put him on edge. maybe it's because he's been conditioned to be alert like a soldier where any sound can set him off. why did he think he was helping out japan years ago?

"s-suzaku? why are you here?" nunnally was more shocked than surprised when he walked in, her eyes widening. sometimes lelouch came to visit her but never suzaku. it was mostly zero that came here for business.

suzaku gulps visibly as he goes to sit on the chair, feeling a whimper sound in his mind.

☆☆☆

"lelouch. lelouch.  _ lelouuuch _ ." julius sighs as he wraps arms around lelouch, grinning slyly. he watched while perched lazily on lelouch's back with his eyes staring intently at the video footage before them. he grimaced when he sees it's euphemia on the tapes and he hisses.  _ why why why _ was he watching that  **_bitch_ ** when they can be doing other things?

lelouch  _ tsks _ as he feels the irritating presence of his other psyche, "i have to see if our so called friends are up to the job. even my  _ own _ family." and he rolls amethyst eyes when julius grunts. julius is clearly annoyed by lelouch's decision and chose to flop on his side on the bed. he's been watching the massacre on both sides wishing he was part of it. at least  _ dear daddy _ can see how much he wronged them.

now he just has to deal with this stupid footage with a stupid bitch with stupid… 

☆☆☆

"c.c., right?" euphemia approaches the immortal with a confident air, the witch tilting her head when she heard her name. euphemia smiles tenderly as she holds up a hand in a gesture of peace and yet, c.c. can faintly scent traces of gunpowder with the young woman's rose petal body wash. 

c.c. cants her head forward with a small hum, wondering how euphemia found her in the abandoned quarters of records of lelouch's death. she considers it a record that contained with slander and harmful intent to make him something he wasn't. the volumes were so painful to read yet her boredom spurred her on.

euphemia took this as a good sign and looks around briefly to take in the area. books, records and other things on shelves. her heart sinks when she sees the name  **lelouch, the demon emperor** above the shelves. euphemia had to bite back tears. 

"you needed me for something?" c.c. didn't have enough empathy for patience. 

then the young woman nods with a small smile. "i want to talk to you about… lelouch and suzaku." 


End file.
